After Moviprep Madness follows the Colonoscopy Caper, a wonderful experience involving far too many inquisitive eyes around my tightly clamped orifice 🙂
I reported early to the reception in the endoscopy unit and got checked in by a rather unfriendly pen pushing jobsworth! He complained about my punctuality and informed me that I may as well go for a walk and come back nearer the time of the appointment!
What a dick and what a shitty, rude attitude he had!
Anyway, I figured I would take that stroll to take my mind off the impending butt probe and set off around the hospital grounds on a cold, but beautifully sunny afternoon. I didn’t get to walk too far when I had to make an urgent U-Turn and endure yet another Moviprep assisted follow through! So, with a smarting, but freshly ‘baby wiped’ bumhole, I eventually reported back to the endoscopy unit and sat thoughtfully waiting for my name to be called.
Time passes quicker when you’re glaring at the dick on reception imagining all the punishments you could inflict on him in a place like this 🙂
My name is called and I get to put on my fashionably trendy dignity pants, massive paper ‘boxer shorts’ with a thoughtful opening at the rear!
Next up its time for another cannula attack, God I hate those things, the nurse started fumbling about for a vein in my arm, much to my relief because I hate having them stuck in the back of my hand, the arm option is deffo less painful by a country mile. Problem was, she couldn’t get a good vein, unusual for me, so she turned my arm over and bent my hand downwards so the skin was nice and tight, thus acheiving maximum pain!
Nooooooo, stab, push, ouch and ouch, push some more, it’s in 😦
I cursed, she laughed!
No hanging about, I was lead through to the penetration room, pumped full of sedation and rolled on to my side, where I had an excellent view of the monitor connected to the Botty Cam about to crawl it’s way up me and through me.
I had some pain on entry, not nearly as bad as the last camera I had up there, after that it was uncomfortable but relatively pain free. I watched the whole procedure and constantly asked questions about my insides and what I was seeing, apologising to the doc because I must have been really annoying her 🙂
It was a source of fascination to me, actually seeing my own insides, live on camera! I watched in awe and and marveled at what was happening, right here, right now, inside my arse canal. Then, along came what can only be described as a metallic crabs claw and the instruction from the doctor to a nurse to ‘open‘, followed by ‘close‘ and a little piece of me was bitten off! Cool!
No polyps were removed this time around, but it had only been a few weeks since my last anal adventure at the NHS. Today’s probing was deep though, all the way round to my small intestine and a total of eight biopsies were grabbed along the way. As the camera started to reverse it’s way out of me I was tiring, but my attention snapped back to normal when I heard the doctor say ‘This last bit will make you feel like you’re about to poop yourself‘.
YUK! She wasn’t kidding 🙂 It was a really strong feeling too as the camera popped out of my back door and my starfish finally clamped itself shut again, phew, it was over.
I asked if I could have the images taken and that was that, all over and done. Nowhere near as bad as the first one, which was extremely painful. I left the hospital with a four month course of Pred steroids and calcium tablets and a palpitating ring of fire 🙂
I’m currently on a reducing dose of Pred, eight tablets for two weeks, seven tablets for two weeks etc. etc. until I’m down to one a day and the calcium tablets last for about a month.
I had a current appointment with the consultant which later got postponed to allow time for the biopsy reports to come back. My new appointment, Feb 1st 2017, is now etched in my mind. This may prove to be the most important consultation out of all the previous consultations I’ve had over the last two or three years and I’m nervous about it. I’ve taken everything the NHS and IBD have thrown at me in my stride, but for some reason, this one is scaring me to death!
Meanwhile, two weeks into the steroids, the bleeding continues, the pain comes and goes, I’ve not developed steroid ‘Moon Face’ yet (In fact I’ve lost some more weight) and I’ve got Pred irritability and insomnia to add to my list of IBD entertainment features now 🙂
Thanks for reading and please add your comments below 🙂